Film 2010: WTF?

Bring Wossy back, was my first thought after watching the new 'live' version of BBC's flagship film review programme Film 2010 now with Claudia Winkleman. I have cast my eye over the new format and here are my musings.

Where to start. The set. It looked like a cross between Newsround and Daybreak, without Adrian and Christine brightening our television screens in the morning. Wossy's set was a lot more elegant and the red fixtures in the background made you feel at home. The new one is an Ikea catalogue reject and more like The Xtra Factor, if you care to tune into ITV2 after the song contest on ITV1 is finished.

The presenters. Let's start with Miss Winkleman, a Davina McCall clone with fuzzy hair which looks like it belongs to puppet in Avenue Q. The whole set up has changed, we no longer have the presenter sitting behind a desk looking into the camera and giving their learned opinion on a particular film. No, now Winkleman slouches on a garish sofa talking to Danny Leigh (who I have no problem with, he seems to know what he is talking about), about the latest movies. The style of the Film programme has been surgically removed and thrown in the nearest dustbin. Her manic, wacky presenting style is incongruous with the show's ethos and is more suited to a teenage news show.

Ooh we have more presenters, Chris Hewitt Empire News Editor, Antonia Quirke a journalist who is quirky (sorry) and an annoying blogger Charlie Lyne who looks as if he has just escaped the womb. Each give their opinions which are duly noted and much more engaging than the hosts. The voxpopsy style with the others works as we get someone else's opinion about their fave film or a guilty pleasure.

And we're going live in five, four, three...why? What does going live for a film show broadcast at 2245 do for it? It turns it into Live from Studio Five, well maybe not that bad. I can't find a positive of making the show live, other than an interview after a premiere which they did with Keira, Carey and Andrew.

The usual in-depth review is done well, with clips from the film and interviews with the stars. At least they never changed that to an interview on the edge of a cliff or something silly like that.

In short, the phrase pops into my head, if it ain't broke don't fix it. Yes, Jonathan Ross left and they needed a new presenter but, why not choose someone with more gravitas and that is more recognised in the movie critique world. Barry Norman would be turning in his grave, if he was dead of course.

Have a blast

Hello there, sorry i haven't written for a while. I know you have all been wondering where I have been. The answer: unemployment land. I have finally gotten round to writing something. But, now I have something to write about. I've been to the cinema twice in the past two days and seen two comedies. Two very different comedies, Hot Tub Time Machine and Four Lions. Both funny, both completely different. Let's jump in the hot tub shall we?

It is The Hangover meets Back To The Future + a squirrel. See and be disgusted, but in a good way.

From four men in the tub to four men who want to blow themselves up. Not the normal premise for a movie, but neither is a hot tub that is a time machine. Not one to be controversial, Chris Morris of Brass Eye brings us Four Lions, the tale of four inept suicide bombers. This film has seen a lot attention due to its subject matter, but let's forget that for the time being and concentrate on the film as a film.

Before seeing it I found the idea of mocking suicide bombers funny, but then when the film kicks in with a poor attempt at a threatening video by one of the four, it hit me that this film could be dangerous. But that thought soon passed and what you get is The Ladykillers of jihadists. It doesn't mock those affected in the July 7th bombings but the idea of blowing oneself up for a cause they don't quite understand. I can see why people will be upset, but I think they should see the film before they make their mind up.

Why are some subjects untouchable? Religion, war and politics have all been satirised to highlight the absurd nature of them, and this is exactly what Four Lions is doing. That's the whole point of satire isn't it, to mock the establishment and remove the veneer to show what it really is. The idea of martyrdom is mocked, not the people who have been injured in blasts, otherwise that wouldn't be funny. Putting a bomb on a crow is funny, isn't it? Even the police aren't untouchable, they are unable to tell a wookie from a honey monster. In the end

Some critics have called it the Life of Brian of our generation, I think they may have a point there. Satire is a clever form of comedy that shows the fallibility and idiocy of human nature. For some people this may be too close to the truth if that is the case avoid it, but if you want to see a film that is funny throughout, I highly recommend it.

It makes you think part II

Welcome back to the second half of the list of awe-inspiring films. The list continues...



6. Blade Runner

Based on Science Fiction author Philip K. Dick Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep (read it, the film isn't anything like it). Ridley Scott's dystopian pits Harrison Ford's cop Rick Deckard on a deadly mission to retire robots called replicants. Blade Runner is a fusion between science fiction and 1940's film noir. The scenery may be scientific but the plot is basically taken from Hammett or Chandler.

Scott's film features a fine performance from Rutger Hauer as Roy Batty the ringleader of the rebellious androids. A villain who you feel sorry for at the end of the film. The film is visually stunning, watch the opening of Los Angeles 2019 (only 9 years to go, til flying cars!!!) Deckard's mission is to kill five replicants but there are six on the loose leaving a massive conundrum at the end of the movie, who is the sixth? A must see for sci-fi lovers out there.

7. Saving Private Ryan

Steven Spielberg's war movie violently tugs on the strings of ones' heart as a band of soldiers in Nazi-occupied France search for the last brother of the Ryan family. The D-Day landings is both harrowing and exhilarating. Spielberg cleverly uses point of view shots to make the audience feel part of the action and you become embroiled in the battle scene.

You go on the journey with Tom Hanks and his motley crew, plus you are completely shocked by the twist, I won't ruin it for you. Yes, Spielberg's other war film Schindler's List could also be in the list but I decided on this one instead. I mean I like Saving Private Ryan. I like Schindler's List. But which one's better? There's only one way to find out. FIGHT!!!

8. Die Hard

It is the quintessential action film so therefore deserves to be in this little list I have compiled. Screenwriters pitch movies using the Die Hard analogy, it's Die Hard on a bus (Speed) or Die Hard on a boat (Under Siege) the list could go on. It's tense, it's funny and Bruce Willis has hair. What more do you want. There is a Alan Rick man doing what he does best being the OTT villain, and he is German!

Released in the late eighties it can still hold a candle and a AK-47 to action movies of today you know the Jason Statham ones. It works because it doesn't take itself too seriously and John McClane must be the ultimate action hero, he's up their with a Mr Jones, Indiana that is oh and Mr Bond. Great fun and a great film.

9. The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy

Yes there are three films but, oh (blows raspberry). Bringing J.R.R Tolkein's masterpiece to the big screen was some mean feat but Peter Jackson pulled it off with aplomb. He couldn't fit everything in like Tom Bombadil, can you imagine him singing and prancing, no me either. It boasts of amazing visual effects from Gollum to the Balrog and acting performances from stalwarts like Sir Ian Mckellen and Viggo Mortensen.

It is not every one's cup of tea and I can understand why, elves and goblins aren't for everyone. Put the fantasy aside for one moment and see the human nature of two people's struggle to destroy this powerful object. All three films have moments of pure emotion all from the original source material. I don't like the third one because it ends. But don't despair, Guillermo Del Toro is bringing The Hobbit to the silver screen next year, get ready for talking dragons, a man turning into a bear and several oddly-named dwarves (no Dopey I'm afraid).

10. Alien

Another one from Mr Scott and another science fiction film, I think my one solitary reader has worked out my favourite genre. A suspense sci-fi horror which features a truly disturbing robot-going-bonkers scene and one scene not to eat your breakfast to. Ellen Ripley was originally meant to be a man, just wouldn't have worked. Three followed the 1979 original but none cannot surpass the tense feeling this film has on the audience, watch with a pillow.

The scariest thing is the thing you can't see, something is lurking in the dark you don't know what it is, oh my god it's bitten my mates' head off. In an essence that's what happens but much better. A must see, just remember in space no-one can hear you scream.

Good night and good luck.

It makes you think...

The Oscars are over and Bigelow triumphed over Cameron beating the highest grossing film of all time. Avatar is an awe-inspiring movie and has jaw-dropping special effects, so on that note what other films out there deserve that title of awe-inspiring (in no particular order). Tom Perry investigates...

1.2001: A Space Odyssey.

If you haven't seen this, you must. Your mind will be boggled, blown and according to Will Ferrell bottled. It has the single greatest cut in film, from a bone thrown by an ape to a spaceship floating in the atmosphere. The story is in three parts 1.primitive civilisation 2.more technologically advanced and 3. The distant future. The action moves forward every time this unexplained black monolith appears, why it appears? You have to figure that one out for yourself.

Directed by Stanley Kubrick it has influenced so many films, would there be Star Wars without it? Homages can be seen from The Simpsons to Pixar's Walle. Kubrick worked on he film with legendary Sci-Fi novelist Arthur C. Clarke, it is an intelligent look at life and evolution with no explanation. In the middle of the film it turns into a tense sci-fi thriller, you can see where Ridley Scott got his inspiration from. I could go on but I won't, just see it for yourself and be amazed.

2. The Godfather Part I and Part II

Francis Ford Coppola's masterpiece, let us ignore part III. I know they are individual films but let's just put them together for the sake of an argument. The tale of the Corleone family is so rich it deserved every Oscar it received. As a viewer you are transported into their lives, you live and breathe it which may be a bit dangerous.

The score is incredible and the cinematography is untouchable, take the wedding in the part one or the Don Fanucci chase in part two. I think part two is better than the the original, few sequels can claim that feat. It has been parodied but never bettered which I think is the ultimate mark of respect. It is part of our culture, where would we be without Marlon Brando's magnificent phrase 'I'll make him an offer he can't refuse' I think Fabio Capello should adopt it.

3. Pulp Fiction

Originally called Black Mask after a popular 'pulp fiction' magazine from the 20s with such contributors as Raymond Chandler and Dashiell Hammett. Quentin Tarantino's second film is quite simply breathtaking. From its non-linear structure to its cool as a row of cucumbers in a fridge characters, it has everything. The film works on so many levels mainly because of the dialogue a Tarantino trait which Guy Ritchie has tried to emulate in his fast-paced Cockney love-ins.

Anyway back to Pulp Fiction, it deserves to be in this list because there isn't a bad moment in the film, each separate episode adds something different. After watching it you want to watch it again and again. The film is coolness personified in celluloid, I mean it has one of the greatest ensemble casts. It's a shame that Mr. Tarantino hasn't made a film comparable to it since.

4. The Matrix

What is the Matrix? An amazing, visually stunning and ground-breaking piece of cinema. Released in 1999 it must be the movie of that year. It works on so many levels action/adventure, thriller and even a film noir if you think about the visual stlye. Neo could have been Will Smith or Tom Cruise it just wouldn't have worked. Keanu Reeves deadpan acting style suits the man who is finding himself well.

It paved the way for technological advances in film and even though bullet time was invented in the Max Payne game it still looked stunning on the big screen. Let's ignore Reloaded and Revolutions, two films that are hard to watch because of the green tint. Anyhow, take Morpheus' advice follow the white rabbit, take the red pill and stop trying to hit me and hit me. Classic.

5. Apocalypse Now

Where do I begin, another entry for Mr Coppola and another epic. Loosely based on Joseph Conrad's Heart Of Darkness the action is moved from the Congo to the Vietnam War. A tough and heavy film but definitely worth the running time of 153 minutes or the redux version of 202 mins. The plot, an American soldier played by Martin Sheen is sent on a mission to kill a former US army Colonel played by Marlon Brando in the backdrop of the Vietnamn War.

Where can you get such ranges of music from The Doors to Wagner. Like its source material it deals with complex issues of the nature of empire and the search of a renegade person or the search of oneself. There are so many war films that could be in this list, but this film is truly amazing and even features a cameo from the director himself. See if you can spot him.

To Be Continued...

Inept.

I know this blog claims to be about films but I may have to change that and add TV as well. This rant comes courtesy of ITV's sport's coverage. Where do I start? At the beginning, when the Beeb lost MOTD (match of the day) to ITV1 a couple of years back, football viewers had the unpleasant choice of watching The Premiership.


Now, The Premiership hasn't been on our telly screens for a while now, thank God (He watches as well, he's a West Ham fan). But they do have the rights to the FA Cup this season and I have suffered listening to Peter Drury or Clive Tyldesley (left) try to commentate their way through 90 minutes. Here's one from the man Clive- “He’s not George Best, but then again, no-one is.” Last night's England game was a prime example of the poor quality of commentary displayed on the channel. He was joined last night by another poor pundit Andy Townsend, who on Tuesday was Irish but miraculously swapped nationalities on Wednesday evening. He was English not Egypitan, keep up. A cracker from Clive here 'The Egyptians were apparently passing in pyramids' not triangles. *sigh*.


We now head to the pundit's box where Steve Wilson who escaped BBC's Grandstand (remember the theme tune?) was with the most boring man in football Gareth Southgate, nice tie and Paul Robinson, why? What was he meant to add, he could have been out there. Was that ITV making a sly dig at Paul making him watch the match in the studio. I bet they were all cracking jokes during the game when Rob Green made a save or catch, I would have done. Then we have the analysis, they didn't even show Egypt's goal! We must go to a break, you see the little black and white flashing thing in the corner as soon as the ref's whistle blows. Then another break, and you have to suffer 'We buy any car' advert, don't get me started.


This week brings the FA Cup back to our screens, what punditry delights await us. I wait with bated breath. They have all four games, hopefully Mr Tyldesley can make his way to all of the games to commentate, please Clive do it for Tom. The highlights package is also terrible as they show the game they aired a couple of hours ago on first. Whoever is in charge of their sport's output, should take a long look at the footage they are broadcasting and have a re-think.

Now, the BBC are not invincible from criticism or Sky for that matter, take Andy Gray and John Motson for example. Andy gets on my tits, I don't see why he thinks he can say the things he does and Motty, well, he is just past it. 98 days to go till the World Cup and I have some advice for my readers out there (if there are any) watch BBC's coverage and when England's games are on the other channel turn off the volume and listen to the radio's commentary.

Peace out.

Arrrr, a vast behind.

Ahoy me hearties! Tie up the mizzen mast mateys and yo ho ho and a bottle of rum etc. With the recent news of Ian 'Mr sweary' McShane donning the beard that is black in the next Pirates of the Caribbean film On Stranger Tides. Mr Perry asks the question, what strange tides will be crashing this way? Well, rumour has it that Orlando Bloom who makes Vinnie Jones look like a good actor and Keira Knightley aren't returning. There won't be any reason to stay after the credits then.

So, what pirate folklore could Jerry Bruckheimer bring to the big blue this time. Edward Teach aka Captain Blackbeard is on board (I couldn't help myself) apparently he was reported to have tied his beard and lit fuses under his hat to frighten his enemies. ooh scary. Jack is back and this time he is looking for the Fountain of Youth, so there may be more sequels to come. Well I for one hope they go back to the original and try to get the same feeling that film had, similar style to Raiders of the Lost Ark. Fast paced and funny like Lee Evans, but less sweaty.

The thing is, do we need another one? At World's End finished with Jack Sparrow in his boat looking at his map. Actually it finished 10 years later after the credits where a wet Will Turner came ashore and met his offspring if you bothered to stay after the credits, I did. The series can't get any worse I mean it's not Jack Sparrow fight little furry creatures and then have a big party. hang on. I don't think it will add anything to a series which was on its way down to meet the Titanic anyway.

If they follow 2 and 3 they will be in deep water and could face a strong current. Dead Man's Chest and At World's End tried to do too much, yes the battles were immense but in the end the characters empathy was lost and the trilogy bore a similar resemblance to the Matrix sequels. What they did wrong was introduce characters the audience couldn't give a toss about namely Davey Jones (despite amazing CGI) Calypso, isn't that some sort of ice lolly and Culter Beckett. Plus the story became so convoluted it was like walking through a Labyrinth in the dark on the Moon whilst being watched by the clangers, which is too much.

Pirates 4 needs to hark back to classics such as Crimson Pirate or Captain Blood and really swash its buckle. I was so disappointed by the 2nd and 3rd installments I refuse to recognise their existence, despite commenting on them in this blog. Contradiction. So bring on Pirates 4 and we will see what happens. Finally why couldn't the pirate play cards, because he was standing on the deck. I know it's bad but what are you going to do eh? Exactly.

Land hoy!

What the world needs now is love, sweet love.

The 14th February has been and is gone, so shouldn't they remove valentine's day (you know, that film) from the cinema's now i haven't seen that film but I did have to sit through P.S. I Love You on valentine's night. It was a originally novel by Cecelia Aherne set in Ireland, but the film version moves the action to America. It stars Hilary Swank who has too many teeth and Gerard 'I can't do an Oirish accent to save me life' Butler. So, sitting down like in A Clockwork Orange I suffered the emotional story of a woman who has lost her soul mate and has to deal with his death but can't because he keeps on sending her bloody correspondence from beyond the grave.

The film is flawed when ever Mr Butler opens his mouth. His Irish accent is as convincing as a seagull dressed up as a crow trying to be a magpie, it doesn't work. He is amazing in 300 and RocknRolla but here he makes me want to frisbee the dvd out of the window. It is quite morbid in a sense a man who is dead can't leave his lover alone to live her own life, he dictates it while he is burning in a firing pit (yeah, he is in Hell). Swank's friends add to the annoyance of the overall tone of the film. Lisa Kudrow plays an over-sexed 'Phoebe Buffay' and Gina Gershon pouts like a fish. The story should be an emotional heart-tugging tale but it leaves a sour taste on the old palate as the characters aren't believable plus think of the cost of stamps.

If you want a romantic movie look no further than The Princess and the Frog, Disney's retelling of the classic fairy tale. It is full of fun and romance, if you're into that sort of thing. There are colourful characters and a deliciously evil villain beautifully voiced by Keith David. It's so good I've secretly stuck the soundtrack on my spotify. So, if you want to feel loved up do it in the company of animated characters rather than ones who you feel nothing for.

That is all.

P.S. I Love you.

Hey, you. Yes, you. I want you, yep you.

This week I will be mostly talking about adverts, not films. Aren't they fun? Well, some are and some aren't. Being an avid channel hopper I regularly see a wide range of adverts and I have recently noticed one thing, they are bloody annoying. They talk to you as if you are a little child who has never heard of this thing they are selling and it is extremely belittling. I invented Windows 7, I couldn't give a toss mate. The most annoying adverts are those that feature 'regular' people, I mean if these idiots can tackle a website so can you! Yes you! I think the problem is that they talk directly at you, so you can't escape their glare. It's like Lord Kitchener telling you to sign up. Most people do not like being told what to do especially by various members of the public who know a different word for money. Even the nauseating Tescos' adverts tell us that every little helps and Asda condescendingly pat their back pocket to save you money. One advert which has been removed was the McDonald's pound saver which stated a 'bob' is a another term for a pound (makes the wrong answer noise from Family Fortunes). A bob is a shilling and there are 20 shillings in a pound, so this is a major factual inaccuracy on behalf of McDonald's, tut tut. Some adverts just don't work, what do they do round that advertising table and decide the best way to sell insurance is with an annoying fat man belting out opera telling you to GO COMPARE, so much so you want to hit him over the head with your remote control. People in adverts just come across as the archetype which places them on a pedestal which they shouldn't be. Let's get a celebrity couple to parade around in an idyllic setting and prance about on a beach then tell you to book a holiday be just like them. The best advert around is the strange idea to get a meerkat (puts on a ridiculous Russian accent) sell you cheap car insurance who ever thought of that is a genius, simples.

Disneyfied

Disney has had a love affair with the Brothers Grimm, Hans Christian Andersen and folklore, with the release of The Princess and the Frog out next week. Walt has dabbled in the world of literature and put their own spin on the goings on, i mean was Robin Hood a fox? What is it that they changed to the original work to please those kiddiwinks. Well Captain Hook was never a codfish, he is a tough old Etonian who strikes terror in Peter Pan and his motley crew. Ariel bites the dust, (I know!) and has to kill the prince to become a mermaid again, I guess they decided to leave that bit out. Why do Disney do this? Add a saccharine taste to the original dark material. Kids like being scared, I was petrified by the witch's transformation in Snow White. Don't get me wrong I love Aladdin but just wonder if Disney had some original ideas in that magic castle of theirs. So what will Disney's take on the Brothers Grimm The Frog Prince be like, I am going to guess singing anthropomorphic animals and a tale of dreams that come true if you wish upon a star, oh and a happy ending. There has been unrest over the skin colour of their latest princess, princess Tiana is the first black regal protagonist in Disney history. But, oh no, Disney have completely sidestepped the racial issues in 1920s New Orleans, can you blame them that would go against the Disney ethos. I know she has dreams and has to find her place in the world but not against a backdrop of racial hatred and prejudice, it wouldn't appeal to the target audience. Some people in America have even boycotted it because it depicts voodoo magic (please). Well, a true adaptation is too much to ask for but I wait with eager anticiptation with Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, to see how far down the rabbit hole he actually goes.