The Apprentice

Dum-de-dum, de-dum, de-dum, de-dum, de-dum, de-dum, dum. It's back and in its seventh series. If you haven't read the title, I'm talking about The Apprentice. This time around the winner is given £250,000 to start up a business with Lord Sugar, instead of a job. So, why has it lasted this long? Yours truly shall rack his brains and work out why we keep going back to the country's most belligerent boss.

Are you up for a challenge?

They're tough, they're exciting and they can be extremely simple for the outsider looking in. Earlier in this series, the two teams were given £250 to spend on fruit and veg, and then make a profit on the money by selling the produce in a variety of ways. I don't know if Lord Sugar thinks of the tasks or if the BBC do, but they are interesting and almost Crystal Maze-esque. Is it a physical, mental or skill. Most tasks require all three of these obstacles. Of course business nous should shine through but it normally doesn't. As a viewer we are screaming at the television telling them where they are going wrong and how to rectify it (well I do). There's almost a sense of dramatic irony as you can see the team cocking up fantastically. But that's why we tune in, isn't it?

It's not personal, Sonny. It's strictly business.

The candidates are meant to be business-minded, but what does that actually mean? Many of them leave jobs already in business to join Lord Sugar's quest for a new apprentice. Surely that's not a very business-minded. They make the show as well as Lord Sugar, their ineptness and idiocy are why we watch the show. These people are human after all, and their business sense goes missing when they need it the most for some reason. Maybe its nerves or pressure but they seem to implode. But its pure entertainment.

Sadism

We all like watching people fail, don't we? Well, I do. What's more satisfying is watching these so called business-minded bods, who know what they're doing fall flat on their faces. I watch with a smile wider than a Cheshire cat (which don't exist, I only found out the other day) when a Mr or Mrs know-it-all loses. That moment in the boardroom when Lord Sugar proclaims those immortal words is the climax we are all waiting for. We don't root for the winner we want to see who doesn't get the job. Tee hee.

Funny how?

The Apprentice is a funny programme, not only do you have the ineptitude of some of the contestants but you also have the clown prince of business, Lord Alan Sugar. I am positive he has a group of writers feeding him zingers. Some of his one-liners are priceless, but there was one candidate who we were definitely laughing at, than with. Stuart 'the brand' Baggs. Not a one-trick pony he was a whole field of ponies running toward the job, to paraphrase one of his many witticisms.

Nick, Margaret, oh and Karren

Where would we be without them? Nick the man with a thousand faces, Margaret, who could kill you with one raise of the eyebrow and Karren, who according to a friend is the 'thinking man's crumpet.' Lord Sugar's trusty aides, his eyes and ears, possibly other body parts help him ascertain who is the weak from the chaff. Their comments are incisive and cutting, perfect foils for his lordness and never have a wasted word.